Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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