That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Im part way to drunk.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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