Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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