I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
