i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
