When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
