Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he fucked my hip out of place.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
