But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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