By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
