I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
