So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
