I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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