she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
