we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
