Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Its about making memories worth repressing
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
