Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
