there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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