Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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