Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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