We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
