this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
