Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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