also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
