i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Actions speak louder than pants.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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