I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
