So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
