she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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