Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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