I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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