No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my phone needs a breathalizer
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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