Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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