I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
