last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
