No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
