cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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