i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
