College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
