I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
