i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
