Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
