wakey wakey hands off snakey
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
