i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
