I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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