Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
