So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
