so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
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Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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