Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
