Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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