is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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