There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
