If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
