You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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