dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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