Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
