remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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