Old men and throwing up are my life now.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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