bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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