He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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