I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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