I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i now understand why vodka
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
