He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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