if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
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Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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