just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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