we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
