Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
