Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
