well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My penis needs a shock collar
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize