it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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