im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
