Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My nipple is on Facebook.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
