I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
