you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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