at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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