she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
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However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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