sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
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Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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