Your face is a jimmy john
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
