your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
